new leaf

ted @ the barbary

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:02:46 GMT

well that was fun, but an incredibly poor choice in realtion to finals

notess so i dont forget: nobody's driving, angelfuck, dunelan, pa - melanie?s vegan dinner, mark mckay, dancing in teh dark, no timorous me :C or blindness, what's that new song about expert hands?, eddie and the hot rods, bal'mor', traveling, cabbages, thank you, requests from b-more shows,

i didnt almost faint like at maxwells, haha, but stilla good show. most likey didnt because reality was pecking at the back of my brain. speaking of which. two papers by five o'clock...lets see what happens. haha im not worried about the one due at 2 tommorrow.

ahh!

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 19:03:51 GMT

i have a paper due in two hours and i cant focus on anything!
well, except for one thing.
something i should not be focusing on right now!

title?

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 20:30:28 GMT

my eyesight is getting so terrible
i also realized last night, well i've realized it before , but i realized it concretely yesterday and remembered, that i have this terrible habit of sometimes when i can't hear someone i'll just laugh, because i know i'll have to ask them to repeat it three times and still hear it wrong. maybe my temporal lobe (i typed love like eight times instead of lobe. fuck freud, but slip much? anyway) is just messed up.
i'm falling apart.
i feel like i'll deaf and blind by the time i'm 45.
maybe i'm exaggerating a little, but i still freak out about it.

okay, enviro ethics paper GO!

1 step forward

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 08:27:38 GMT

87 million and a half back

i purposefully signed off aim so i wouldnt get distracted
                                  and then proceeded to download music for 3+ hours.
well nothing out of my standard routine i guess.
             i need to be more disciplined

BUT!
       it is also important to note
why did i think i wouldnt like santogold?!

it finally happened

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 08:03:20 GMT

according to intarwebz documentation of my music listening via lastm
i have listened to world/inferno more than sufjan stevens.

i thought it might happen someday, but it's so weird that it finally has...

also, i should take this opportunity to point out that i am remarkably skilled at making public quite inane amusements when i should be writing papers!

geez, what's wrong with me?

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 01:43:21 GMT

why didn't i go to that ted leo against me show?!

i need to make better life choices.

<3

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 08:24:04 GMT

i think this all the time about beirut:

it would be deeeeevine to stroll about completely engrossed in another person hopping in fountains and dancing in gazebos and whatnot.

same may go for herb alpert, but not as much. only some songs. it would be more like our wacky summer vacation or the home syrupy sweet home movies we'd make.

because i cant seem to focus on my women art and society reading...

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 02:32:57 GMT

i gave myself another haircut.
i was a bit nervous since i hadnt done anything other than bangs in a while, but it definitely went well! i guess you'd call it a bob. my non-DIY housemates approved, so i know it doesn't look like utter crap.
i let my computer run overnight to backup all my music files on my second external and to let all my files import into my itunes. finally. i was puttinf it off/trying to do it in small batches, but i conceded.
also, i need to remember to watch la blogotheque much more often. i forgot how awesome it was.
but really, what i truly need to do is my art history reading!

this is a butternut squash a butternut squash a butternut squash

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 23:56:45 GMT

gah

i keep going to write and it keeps not happening.

shit i just lost my train of thought! gah. alright well let me try to write about something:

aliie came to visit this weekend. we were torn between her coming here as planned or heading to a fancy party. but things like money, time, work and other general life maintenance got in the way. this october is crazy. (this weekend, next weekend: fran's, seta's, jmar's, les savy fav next: work next: work next: HALLOWMAS! (that makes it not sound busy but it is!))

there is a butternut squash sitting on my bed right now. we were going to roast it with some assortment of fall spices and apples and pumkpin and walnuts, but we made pumpkin baked ziti with carmelized onions and sage breadcrumbs instead! we had planned on making peanut butter caramel apple bars with the apples we picked on saturday with allieaxel and marisa, but didn't have time. however! that's okay cause we made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies that we pretty delicious. i just gotta deal with ALL THESE APPLES and that squash pretty soon.

we wound up going to a pretty OOF party on saturday night. allie really wanted to go out so we did. i didn't even feel like drinking, but it was five dollars at the door even if i was abstaining. marz and greg and also lea, i believe, were supposed to be there, but they had to leave early, really early. blah blah drugs blah blah. we were gonna not go in and ten we ran into chris and elaine so went with them. it was at randy's old house that is now the rugby house i think? randy was there and mark and rose and jenna and sandy as well. big ry and some of the guys who lived there last year were there. but really no one i'm tight with. and everyone there i didnt know was pretty damn boring. and the cops came or a landlord or something. that was fun. we had to old our breaths and while we werent being quiet enough some drunk bitty was squawking at us to shut the fuck up. the most fun part was probably the walk back home though. i wish we'd stayed home and cooked/baked OR, even more so, that we couldve made it up to westchester.

i died my hair back to my natural hair color...almost. it went back to brown and then we put a temporary red over it and it's a pretty awesome color. you should have seen the smile on my fathers face when he came to pick allie up. it was cute and really frustrating at the same time. but in order to make my life easier i'll let him think that my crazy rebellion was just a stage and i'm normal and civilized now. i sent some ziti home for my mom. she appreciates my cooking even if it's weird and vegan. she's so stretched right now with all this stuff with my grandma.

i feel like i had intentions to write something else, but i can't think of it and now i've got to READ FOR CLASSES! Mondays are pretty awful, ughhhhhh.

RATS

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 23:44:47 GMT

really mad i didn't see ponytail this summer.

also there was a cubrat meeting today and

phone call moar to come

fossil fuels

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 03:00:32 GMT

aren't exactly vegan are they!

(yea, not the first to think of it...obviously)
((but more obviously, i am making slooooow progress on this paper!))

terrace club

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 01:39:33 GMT

as if i needed another reason to find mystery vegan shoe punk and become his significant other.

time machines

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 01:20:10 GMT

no one's going to invent a time machine before the human race dies out.
if this future person/persons had
i'm sure they would have gone back in time and fixed what we screwed up.
OR
whoever invented it was a malicious little bastard
OR
whoever invented it went back in time and fucked up and fixed the wrong thing and now in this new series of events it wont be reinvented/reinvented in time.
OR
whoever invented it didn't have enough time to solve the moral dilemma of what to fix if anything.

i should still be writing my paper.

should be working on a philosophy paper!

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 00:01:30 GMT

at work!

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 14:52:53 GMT

alright so!
i haven't written in a little bit, and i just got hit with a little blast of awesomeness.
i recently got aquainted with a bunch of awesome kids. they were residents on rick's floor last year (most of them i think) and i thought they seemed cool and i wound up going bowling with them through mutual friends on tuesday night and they are super nice and so friendly! whole bunch of them live in new res this year, which is neat cause i see them quite a decent bit.
also! i talked to todd about how to go about booking a show in the rat and he said he'd introduce me to mike at CUB next week and that the shows have a budget of 2,000 to 5,000 dollars depending on the night. there's a show every other tuesday i think he said. it was super awesome news for me to hear since when i emailed Ethan of E-603 he said he;d charge 600 to 800 bucks! my brain is racing and i see that matt and kim are playing in pittsburg the end of november the 21st and they could totally hit up tcnj on their way homeeeee. pleaseplease please! oh man.
i'm so glad i'm getting involved with CUB. too damn bad i probably wont get to see demitri martin at the school since i'll be in australia. i probably couldve gotten to meet him in person too! ugh!
well. we'll see when it happens.
i'm excited for more bowling.
not excited for all the office and night desk shifts i have this weekend. also not excited that the office is screwing up our pay sheets and wont give them to my boss to fill out. agh! i'd really appreciate the check for the damages done to my car to get here as well!
i wanna throw a huge party, but i have nowhere to do so. my house is only half a house in terms of parties. i could get away with a hangout, but it'd be awkward to have a whoooole bunch of people over since i barely know my housemates.

oh and speaking of australia! i have so much left to do for paperwork! and trying to figure out what classes to take is so hard. I've already taken the equivalent for most of the gender classes they're offering! Ouch. And all the most interesting sounding classes on materical i haven't covered are graduate level. booooo! maybe i can finagle my way into a graduate class. and maybe i can do an independent study or internship with Jura books! they seem to be the BESSSSSST collectively owned bookstore i've yet to come across! they have a reading library annnnnnnnd THEY RUN A FOOD CO-OP!!!
http://jura.org.au/

elliott smith

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 05:26:35 GMT

hello sir, it's been far too long.

also.
i totally lost my indietorrents account because i got all intimidated and didnt use it. ugh. good job idiocy.

oh man i forgot i was writing this.
posting like five hours later or something.

so much i could say

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 06:08:26 GMT

but i really ought to sleep.

i was all wound up and couldn't sleep i restarted my computer so i could write back to the email kimmie sent me and also ask her if she could pass along my email to cute bookstore boy.

oh this could be bad.
and awkward.

but i did it
and i'm hoping the results turn out well.

alright.
well
even though i have so many thoughts swirling around in my head about this and other topics
i really do need to get to sleep

here i go trying to do so!

what holds you up, when gravity's corrupted?

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 16:03:25 GMT

i haaaaaave my ticket to see les savy fav at music hall of williamsburg october 12th!

YEA!

muxtape crush

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 20:19:45 GMT

urusai.muxtape.com

i can see it in your spine

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 18:14:24 GMT

i am in the process of convincing myself that if i can compile a stellar soundtrack i will run all the time.
timourous me will be on this playlist.
i will sprint on the breakdowns.
i also intend to dance while running.
maybe being adorable will make up for my tomato face.
or at least make me look more INTENSE!

i have so much love in my heart for ted leo and the pharmacists.

soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.
wish i i could put that more eloquently right now.
i listened to me and mia approximately 11 times in a row on the bus today.
it was nestled among other tracks, but i kept coming back to it.
it felt so good to just have someone singing to me that knew exactly how i felt and reassuring me that i should keep fighting.

the she-bang is tomorrow!
i'm so excited for tabling and awwsomeness and learning and maybe meeting awwsome feminists!

i'm also hanging out with my cousin tonight!

i also need to get back to work...

muxtape and googly eyes

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 04:19:35 GMT

*le sigh* i will miss the cute boy who's shift intersects with mine very much when i am forced to cease volunteering at bstox whilst at tcnj...he noticed that i cut my hair! my sister didnt even notice!

i meant to write something else entirely and cant remember what that was...here's a different thought

muxtape is awwsome!

OH i remembered.
i want to boycott katy perry for that godawful i kissed a girl song...ughhhhh. but how can one say no to her cover of "use your love?!"

EDIT:

HOLY SHIT!!! ARE YOU SEEING WHAT I'M SEEING. MY DUMB ASS WROTE 'WHO'S" INSTEAD OF WHOSE! oh my. making unintentional grammatical ooofs is not the way for one to make cute boys swoon!

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 04:28:37 GMT

ya know its funny how sometimes while i am writing things i feel as if i am taking passive actions to express my feelings by hoping the person i wantto read it will stumble upon it. YA RIGHT, like that will happen. it's also funny to return to those feelings and realize you probably don't feel them and are really just quite lost and alonely feeling.

anyway.
maybe this will be a normal entry.
just a status report.
we'll see.

seta got home from armenia yesterday night. had dinner at her house tonight. allie and mum came too, david wasnt home.

it felt good. felt normal. damn i missed that kid.

my hair i getting nearly as long as i would like it to be. however, that doesnt mean i dont want to shave it into a mohawk...erghhh. however i am very content to have it be blonde. i like this. no fussing with redying. no buying dye. being able to use cheap shitty shampoo instrad of color safe. only downside is that i cant really bleach it to white blonde that well myself...

school starts soon. the 24th. despite the fact that i started crying again yesterday because im so pissed that i sold myself short andnow it doesnt feel like im doing the best things im meant to do. i think im pretty set in my course of staying at TCNJ and going abroad to australia and not transferring. i couldnt really transfer anywhere with three years under my belt and not lose too much work/money anyway...at least i wont be in debt when i graduate. even though im sick of school maybe i will get my masters. maybe i'll take a year off first. who knows. maybe i'll start off taking time off and then hate it and apply for a masters program starting in spring.

mom just had be carry penny upstairs for the night. i am now mad that i cannot recall teh tune i contrived to go along with my brilliant lyric "teh peen is a turd monster"

summer's almost over. it wasn't too great of a summer. i worked a lot didnt hang with friends too much. didn't even really talk to anyone too much. last summer was filled with a lot of energy and hope in a lot of different ways. the theme of this summer has pretty much been dissatisfaction...there were two amazing things about this summer though: #1 beruit #2 ted leo. also, i did meet some pretty cool kids. hopefully when im at school i can hang with dennis and that gang more frequently. also i intend to spend a lot more time in philly. im planning on volunteering at wooden shoe. i might even being able to turn it into an independent study for one or two credits if i write some kind of paper to go along with it. perhaps i could do some studying of radical activist networking/movement building strategies. being in philly on a regular basis would also be lovely in the sense that i could hang with you, dave (if yr reading this)! maybe winston would be a good faculty sponsor for my independent study idea, since he is suppossedly awesome and i already have the enviro ethics class with him.
often, i wish i went to a school where the classes were three credit instead of four each so that i could take five a semester instead of four...or i wish tcnj offered lighter course hour classes that sudents could take as elective type/experimentation what do i want to do classes.
damn i kinda wish i was going to be a teacher...im always trying to reform structures/systems of learning.
i never really do know what i want, do i?

but yes, summer is almost over. babsysitting job number one ends thursday. film internship will most likely end on the 13th or 15th. my last day at bluestockings is the 20th. last day of babysitting job number two is the 22nd. i go back to school on the 24th. so in other words im really busy this week working til friday, tabling at the big she-bang on saturday. i work at babysitting no. 2 monday late afternoon. then im free tuesday. intern/volunteer wed. babysit no. 2 late afternoon/evening on thursday and maybe i will be free on friday. then that weekend is open for now, but then i work babysitting all day long the last week before i go to school. i'm still not entirely sure how im taking care of the defiance, ohio stuff. but i should probably buy my ticket for europa soon...ugh i wish i didnt have to ask allie to take over starting at 5 for me to be able to go. i also wish i didnt have to go alone...ugh i wish she could come. i dont even remember if she likes defiance ohio but i think she might have fun. well i guess its for the best. shes still kinda nervous about going to punk shows. maybe if i stop calling her foofyfrenchgirl it will help. i hope i can figure out how to go to philly...i'd really like to make it to that housewarming party...i know i wont be able to make it to the shows, but it would be nice to have a last hurrah before i go to school, especially since this summer was lacking in hurrahs.

right now my plan for school is to be signed up for women in eastern europe and women art and society for the first week of classes and decide which one id rather take. i'm going to email dr. gray and tell her about my plan and ask her i can come to the first session of feminism in teh workplace even though i wont be techinically signed up as im deciding. there 8 spots open in that class. im pretty sure it wont fill up if it hasnt by now... i suppose the smart thing it to take women in eastern europe, but i wish i was taking an art class...but part of me also wants to take women in eastern eur. because its all about family structure and communism which could be really interesting...or maybe not. i dont know. maybe im better off taking women art and society for now (im leaning towards this) and maybe i can take an australian history class for my social change in historical perspective requirement. i'll figure it out...this seems to be my motto in college. whatever i guess. i can always read about whatever i want in my spare time.
fem theory should be a blast. i keep forgetting that. i guess im kinda nervous that if it turns out to not be amazing i will have a shit semester because my love for my major will cry a little. im sure it should be great though. i hope so. i hope my classmates are great...might not happen though. ergh, whatever. i DO need to remember that i will get out what i put in!
gah.
my epic nerd is shining through. i really do love to talk about school dont i?

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 03:51:17 GMT

i keep signing up for more websites to expunge my feelings of alienation. so much for the DON'T GIVE THE GOVERNMENT ANY INFORMATION ABOUT YOU! idea...
i made a muxtape yesterday.
started posting on the pix board again.
keep adding more info back into my facebook profile.
ugh.
i feel gross and needy.
doesn't mean i dont want hugs and understanding though.

im halfway through college and i have no idea what the fuck i want to do with my life.
i want to write better.
i used to be great, i haven't done creative writing in AGES. legit ages. legitlegitlegit. all these research papers have scoured my soul. blergh.
i also want to make films or be an industrial designer.
or be a music journalist.
urgh, im fucking 20 years old, how do people figure this shit out when they're seven.

im scared of not suceeding. its so fucking pervasive i know i need to stop holding back and just fucking go for it, but i dont even know what direction to launch myself into. and i wasted my golden time for fucking around. now im getting dreadfully close to financial insecurity...i wish my fear hadnt crippled me so much when mommy and daddy wouldve been willing to finance my escapades, well at least more so than now.

i just want to be able to move out and not fall on my face and have to come crawling back and also to be happy. it's seeming this is too much to ask in this world.
fuck capitalism.

also, ellen page is great.
so is julie andrews, but i've always thought that.
lets not forget natalie portman.

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 18:18:06 GMT

i finally really talked to my mom about transferring/changing whatever my life is doing being going.
i woke up this morning really freaked out about it and i knew that this wasnt real and it was just me being messed up and depressed because of the winter.
she said all the conventional and obvious things, but she also said some crazy things like suggesting that i just stay in australia if i like it when i study abroad (if i stay at tcnj) and transfer. or how she'd help to pay for art classes in philly during next semester if i stayed at tcnj.
she didnt seem to think transferring really made sense, but she didnt even seem oppossed to me interning with the human rights campaign in dc if i had to take off a semester because of transferring. or even just taking off a semester in order to transfer in general.
maybe i can be happier. it might work.
she also seemed to support me transferring to a new york state school.

time to get researching again.

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 06:14:09 GMT

INDIE_EXCHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this community is my new life, dear gosh

also!
measure [sa] cover of please my favorite! yum